How do you break well established patterns when you want to reform?
My husband, for the first many decades did not think of himself as athletic. However, in recent years he has started going to the gym. It was a real mental shift for him to do so. He started re-educating himself with the statement, designed to rewire his identification: “I’m the kind of person that goes to the gym.” I’ve watched that work for him. Now he is the kind of person who goes to the gym.
He’s more dutiful than I am. I’m a little rebel and it is hard to make myself do something, but I’ve learned that if the task aligns with my sense of my identity, then I’ll do it. In some ways, I need to start identifying myself in differently, which will in turn serve me better.
Lately, I’ve been trying to drink more water. I’ve started to realize I’m so chronically dehydrated that I’m never thirsty. What do I identify with? Not surprisingly, I’ve often referred to myself as a water buffalo or a camel. How flattering. No need to stop the car on a long car trip for me! Or more recently, since I’m been trying now and failing, I’ve said things like, “I can’t seem to drink enough water,” or “I get so involved, it doesn’t occur to me to drink water.” I’ve realized I identify with not being a water drinker as much as my husband did as being non-athletic.
So I’ve started saying to myself, “I’m the kind of person that drinks lots of water.” “I’m the kind of person who brings water with me and actually drinks it.” “I’m the kind of person who loves to guzzle water.”
It is still early days yet, but it is fun and liberating, and tending in a better direction. It makes me think of so many other ways to try and apply this:
“I’m the kind of person that makes plenty of money.”
“I’m the kind of person that enjoys cleaning up after a project.”
“I’m the kind of person that doesn’t interrupt.”
“I’m the kind of person that is always patient with myself.”
This process is most effective when you make claims just for yourself, and stick with it over time.
But it can also be a powerful tool in shifting our perceptions within relationships.
“We’re the kind of couple that…”
“We’re the kind of parents that…”
“We’re the kind of family that…”
“We’re the kind of church that…”
“We’re the kind of nation that…”
We can all think of many more of both kinds. I’d love to hear your versions in the comments.
One of the things that happens when you start to do this systematically is that ideas start coming to you, so you can fulfill these claims. That same phenomenon happens with the negative assertions, so we may as well harness it in the direction we desire. It starts with changing our thought, and if we don’t do that, nothing will be different.
What positive opposite do you want claim to spur consistent improvement?
