When cameras became ubiquitous on every phone in every hand, together with the advent of the social media platforms, “the selfie culture” was born. This digital age has made many people become more isolated and more self-focused. Let’s use it instead for connection, information, inspiration, and illumination.

I started this blog 16 years ago, when a blog was simply a journal kept online, and I have kept it going all these years in that original spirit. However, these days, identities are becoming brands and are being monetized in whole new ways. “Influencers,” curate an online persona to advertise products and profit financially.  Please note that I am totally unwilling to sacrifice my authenticity to do any of that.  I’m merely over here, living my life, and recording the highlights publicly.

Social media influencers, on the other hand, bank on comparison and creating feelings of inferiority.  Comparisons stink! Avoid them! They thwart individuality and genuine expression. Your uniqueness is precious, and conformity to someone else’s ideal should never be the goal.  Also, social media influencer’s focus on perfectionism not only results in feelings of inadequacy, it also fosters a lack of empathy. I think that is dangerous. We need to love unconditionally, regardless of imperfections, whether they are our own or those of others.

All this is fueled by an inordinate need for external validation. For example, how many likes and comments did I get on that social media post?  In the art world, I have long seen people consider their art good if it gets into a juried show, and not if it didn’t. As an abstract artist, especially, I coach my students that they need thicker skin than that. I often get asked what makes me so “brave” as an artist, and the simple answer is that I am only looking for internal validation, instead of external. This allows for none of the “what will people think” chatter in the back of my consciousness when I create. Please try to live up only to your own ideals, and use only that for your self assessment.

Also, obsession with self-image can be a distraction from finding the deeper meaning in life, which is much more satisfying. Tattoos to me, are an example of someone trying to find their identity, but are only looking skin deep. Selfie culture seems to demand that expression of self needs to be an outward thing. I find that to be a sad limitation. I find my identity much more in qualities and attributes, than in how I look, and I think this is healthy. For me, it is more important how I care, or how I feel, or what I learned, or what I created, and I am very content with how these things define me. Those trying to find their identity in their new blue hair or that next piercing, I feel will continue to cast about until they find their truly unique and precious identity within, which is unrelated to what a camera can capture.

I’m writing this to advocate reclaiming our attention on what matters beyond self image. Learn how to be mindful of all the good around you and work to amplify it. It begins by noticing, but then is followed with gratitude. Genuine self-expression follows soon after. Be sure to have time for quiet reflection, as well as for social time in-person with people in your life.

For a more balanced approach to self-expression, pay attention to the internal more than the external, keep your sense of validation between yourself and your own highest ideal, embrace your vulnerability because no one else will ever be you, cultivate compassion both for yourself and others, and prioritize in person relationships over ones on social media.