What is the hardest part of your job?

Since 1997, I’ve held a full-time, public, day job as a Christian Science Practitioner (a spiritual healer), doing art and family in the in-between times. “Day job,” is a misnomer, since I’m on call 24/7, 365 days of the year, regardless that I’ve trained up my regular clients to call me between 8am and 9pm, unless it is an emergency (and no, insomnia is not an emergency).

Some people think the perpetual nature of this has got to be wearing; I figure we breathe regularly and never conplain about it. I still remember the shock of my first week “off” at about 20 years in, when I camped with our daughter in Baxter State Park, where there was no cell service. It was then that I realized the hyper-vigilance I live under.

Also, the unpredictability of the work would bother some folks. I take calls in the grocery store and on vacation, although more and more the work comes via email and text. There are periods where people feel more needy (holidays?) and times when it is quieter (summer seems to equal less drama and stress for people). I’ll never know when the next need will strike, and sometimes I call my work “interruption based.” Meanwhile, I have the freedom to fill my time (painting? poetry? reading?) and I am less chained to an office since the advent of the cell phone, which has been terrific. I’m always glad when people don’t need me because that means all is going well, but the flip side is I need the work, so I’m glad to take it when it comes. Contrariwise, there are busy times like recently, when I haven’t had time to do any new art for three weeks. Since I’ve managed this juggle for so long, I’ve come to like the flexibility and variety, as well as watching the general drift of how things work out. In addition, this is work without an exit strategy – no retirement plans in the offing, no end in sight.

It can be very much a stretch to feel instantly prepared to answer and effectively pray for (ie GET RESULTS) regarding whatever crisis or calamity a dear caller is dealing with.  Thankfully, I have learned early on that God is omniscient; it is God that is being proved capable, not me. I consistently work toward being grounded in that, and find having an ongoing relationship and communication with that, is what is required. Sometimes I need to remind myself not to accept a false sense of responsibility to carry the burden of not only what people tell me, but what I should be doing about it. It is easy to slip up on that, and it takes attentiveness and careful self care, not to succumb to that kind of trap.

Most people think the hardest part would be listening so much to people’s troubles, but I am always grateful to hear the insides of people’s hearts, and don’t take that honor lightly. Hearing a lot of bad news without an outlook of expectancy for good to overtake it would be hard, but I do expect progress every time, which relieves much of the burden you might expect. It is not my job to sympathize, because that just leaves them where I found them. I am a natural empath, and very intuitive. I find small talk and false posturing much more grating than hearing authenticity, whether it is frustration, fear, trauma, pain, jubilance, curiosity, creative discovery, or triumph. Most people are a mix of all those things, and if someone wants to move from the more uncomfortable of those feelings to the more positive, I’m definitely here for it.

More difficult, honestly, is that my job is rather thankless and poorly paid. The success of my client’s outcomes gets to be wholly theirs, and never my own, since it is my job to uphold the strictest confidence, and God gets any kudos anyway. I can keep confidentiality like a champ, and know countless volumes of inside scoop and heaps of gobsmackingly incredible healing experiences that I’ll never share. Certainly things do radically turn around for people through my help– however, not every single time is that true, for probably multiple reasons. Maybe if there were guarantees I could deliver on I could charge more? Fortunately, I consider this work a ministry, but the ministers in my clergy association all get paid way more than me, because they are paid by churches, instead of directly by individuals. Also, if my clients utilized the standard health care system, instead of calling me, they would pay much more for those mixed results. I haven’t found a solution to this, although I have found that what you put out into the world comes back to you in unexpected ways, and somehow, we’ve always been provided for. That fact has been as much of a demonstration as the miracles my clients see. And I’m grateful to be able to afford to continue, addicted as I am to being party to the thrill of transformation and enjoyment of watching God find solutions.

All that being said, the hardest part for me is the invisibility of all of it. Other people get to talk about their employment, and their personal challenges and victories in doing their vocation. I’ve been thinking about this lately, partly because work-wise I was flung between what looked like a dire failure in my work (which I deeply felt but couldn’t mention to anyone) and then a short time later that situation was amazingly reversed in the absolutely opposite direction, with an outcome far better than could have been hoped for, or even considered possible. Again, I’m not supposed to mention it, neither the emotional whiplash I vicariously experienced, nor the way it feels like the perfect metaphor for finding hope beyond the hopelessness in our ongoing news cycle.

Try working in a job with a full heart for 29 years and never mentioning it. Argh. I just read in a book that the three basic things our souls need are to be seen, to be heard, and to uniquely express our authentic selves. It strikes me that given that my work doesn’t allow me to do that, it is no wonder I paint in every spare moment between calls, have put out a daily blog for 18 years, and now a weekly podcast. It feels a bit like me over here waving a pathetic flag saying, “I exist too!” At the very least, it keeps me healthy, and stable, and able to continue. So yeah, since you wondered, and that is my transparent answer.

Thank you for wanting to know, for asking, and for hearing this now, as well as for confirming that I too am seen and heard. I strongly desire that for all of us, for you every bit as much as for me. May God bless this work of mine, and help me be a humble servant, stewarding well the hearts that ask me for help.  And may God also bless you and this world, with happiness, appreciation, fulfillment, and peaceful resolution.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions of any sort.