Some of you may remember that we went to Texas a month ago (see here) for my husband’s aunt’s 95th. I’m so glad we got to spend some good time with her recently, because she passed on three weeks later, at home, surrounded by family. So we are just now back from an unexpected, whirlwind return trip to Texas for her funeral.

My husband’s aunt loved everyone, and was beloved by everyone in return. He was the ring-bearer in her wedding, and she is the person in his life that he’s known the longest.  She was his aunt, not by blood, but by marriage; she was married 55 years to my husband’s mother’s brother. Regardless of that, she took everyone in as her own, and made them feel integral and essential. It was a special gift of hers and one I wish was more common.

The result of that was she was a magnet, a “force to be reckoned with.” Both kind and tough, she was welcoming and generous, secure and confident, frank, persuasive, and almost tribal. She was astute with people, serving them sincerely, while quietly getting her own way at the same time. Someone at the funeral said, “She was a steel fist in a velvet glove.”

She articulated that she felt her mission in life was “to provide a place for people to come together.” She fulfilled that role incredibly effectively. Her life defined the word matriarch more clearly than  any other I’ve ever known.

She had 5 kids, 18 grandkids, and so far 13 great-grandchildren. Family get togethers quickly became huge affairs, and she loved to feed all those people, making all that work look easy.

Her stamina was amazing. For example, every Christmas she’d make homemade gingerbread houses for each of those grandchildren to decorate. In her 90’s she could arm-wrestle grandchildren in their 20’s and win. Also, she was sharp as a tack right through the end, being the one to remind others of things.

Almost all of her huge family were at her recent celebration of life, one instantly coming halfway around the world to attend. Not only did we attend too, but both our daughters did as well, one coming from California, the other from upstate New York. All of us are feeling like this is the end of an era, and the start of a new one.  She was the last of her generation on both sides of our family.

For her nephew’s wife to mourn her passing– even though her life was full and good and long– to me says very much about her. I was peripheral, but with her, I never for an instant felt like I was. Her legacy lives on strong in all of us that she loved so devotedly. We are left to emulate aspects of her.

I was very touched too, that it was my photography that was used for her obituary (you can read it here) and was on display at her funeral. Tomorrow, I’ll share more photos from our time, but today wanted to give a tribute solely to this remarkable woman. I was so fortunate to know her.